Slowly Realizing I'm Insane


So, we’re running through the final tests of a website that’s due to go live in a day or two. Everything’s looking great until the boss gets involved and casts his ‘experienced’ eye over things…

Client: Hmm it all looks great.

Me: Great, we’ll get it pushed live then.

Client: Oh, hold on…


Client: Why would you assume I wanted the columns to be vertical?

Me: I - I’m sorry, how did you want them?

Client: Obviously, I wanted horizontal columns.

Me: Like rows?

Client: Exactly like rows!


This video gets submitted every now and then, but it’s been years since we last showed it off. 

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After getting out of the movies, I looked at my phone to find 10 texts from a friend explaining how, exactly, she wants me to design her son’s second birthday invites.

I had never discussed this with her, she didn’t ask, and she simply assumed I was doing it.

Client: Toy Story themed…….


Client:  I need you to create an interactive planning app on the web page, like Google calendar.

Me: No problem, we can use JavaScript to achieve that

Client: No, don’t use JavaScript.

Me: Why not?

Client: We don’t use scripts.

Me: You want a fully interactive app without scripts?

Client: Yeah. I don’t trust scripts. The word bugs me.


From an animated YouTube series I was a voice actor on:

Client: Hey, I just wanted to let you know that [a fellow cast member] killed himself last night.

Me: Oh my God! That’s terrible!

Client: It’s okay, I’ve sent out emails to potential replacements, and we should be back on track…


Me: Does everything look good for you?

Client: Everything is great, but who is this girl in front of the background?

Me: Um, that’s the character you wanted me to design.

Client: What? I didn’t ask for that. I said to give the chair more character!

I forward the client the original email, wherein she requests a female character to be designed.

Client: Don’t you try ‘photoshopping’ my words!


Client: We have two changes. One: change the font to Helvetica. 

Me: It’s already Helvetica. 

Client: Oh. 

Me: What’s the other change?

Client: Change the word “consulting” to “consultating.”



After sending five different layouts of a client’s company truck:

Client: I just received the layouts. I’d prefer if you put the logo on the front too. Right now, it looks sort of empty and you couldn’t tell it was MY truck unless you see it from the side.

Me: Where on the front would you…


I’m a photographer, reviewing a set of portraits delivered to a client.

Client: I don’t like it.

Me: What don’t you like about it?

Client: It needs more…oooomph.

Me: You asked for a light and airy feel, and you wore all white and wanted a white background…

Client: You should have told me what I wanted.